regret

I missed an opportunity. A big one. Because I'm always so afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I love my comfort zone. I'm safe here. But also, there's no growth here. Now, I've missed my chance. 

I'm so angry at myself, to be honest. I could have done so much. But now it's too late. The wave of regret washes over me like a strong current. I will drown. I need a buoy. I need a distraction. I need to calm down. 

Father Time, can you wind your hands back and give me a chance to re-do things? Pretty please?

Also, I'm back. Hi.

Conquer 2014!

I haven't been allowed to announce it before the issue came out, but now that the Jan-Feb edition of Women's Health magazine is finally available in bookstores and newsstands, I can say, "WHEEE!!!"

I'm featured in their You Lose, You Win section, featuring moms who fought the fight vs. the preggy pounds and triumphantly won! I'm proud of this achievement because it highlights the commitment I've made almost a year ago to be fit and stay fit. Yup, not skinny, but FIT and STRONG! All the hard work paid off, and what an awesome reward!

And if that's not awesome enough, I've got another feature in another magazine! The Jan-Feb issue of Good Housekeeping is also out and I'm in it, too! They also have a weight loss feature and it was such an honor and pleasure to also have been chosen to be part of it. I have yet to get myself a copy but I guess now I can finally post photos from the shoot we had in November. Thank you, Kate (WH) and Nina (GH), for the fantastic articles and for the chance to be able to inspire other women who are also wanting to lose weight the right, safe and healthy way.

What a great way to start 2014! I'm so ready to conquer the New Year! #CommitToBeFit

My Daddy: A Eulogy

If there's one word that would best describe my Daddy, it would be Generous. My Dad was a very generous man.

Generous with his blessings. He was always ready to share his blessings with everyone who needed his help. A relative who needed to buy medicine or needed to be hospitalized. An employee who had a family emergency. A friend in a tight situation. The children being cared for by the Rotary. Hindi niya pinagdamot ang blessings niya. Daddy would tell us all the time to share, to give, to help, because God will give back everything a hundredfold.

Daddy generously gave good advice. During the first few days of his wake, some of the visitors would tell me - ang dami nilang natutunan kay Dad. They appreciate all the advice my Dad gave them, advice sa family, advice sa business. It was my Dad's way of showing people that he cared for them. Genuine concern. Genuine love. Hindi niya pinagdamot ang mga nalalaman niya. His knowledge and skills, the things he learned from many years of experience, all those he wholeheartedly shared.

One advice from Dad that I will always remember is this: sabi niya sa akin, always put God first above all else. Before heading for work, Dad would stop for a few minutes in front of the BF church to start his day with a prayer of thanks. If he wasn't in a hurry, he would even go inside the adoration chapel. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all shall be given to you." Yun ang turo ni Dad. And that's why everyday I would pass by the Church first before driving to work, and pray for guidance and protection.

Also another advice na hindi ko malilimutan is when he saw my credit card bills and discovered that I have a bit of a spending problem. He talked to me without judgment,  without making me feel small or terrible. Tinuro niya sa akin what to do, the meaning of miminum payment and finance charges. For me, honestly, it was like confessing my sins to God, and He listened and forgave without judgment or criticism. Yun ang pinaramdam sa akin ni Daddy during that time. And I will never forget that, Dad.

My Daddy is generous with his time. Every week, inspite of the weather or any circumstance, kahit puyat or pagod, he would drive to Pampanga for his weekly Rotary duties. You should see my Dad's daily schedule. It's packed with things to do and things to accomplish every single day. May alarm pa yun to remind him of important things or deadlines. But despite his very busy schedule, he finds time for important things outside AICS, like the Rotary. He joined all the meetings, the programs, the conventions, etc.

But most importantly, he always had time for family. I don't recall a single moment when he had no time for us. He was always there for me and my siblings, and especially for my mom. And I think, in order for one to become a really good husband and father, you give your family not a huge amount of material things, but a huge amount of time and attention.

Daddy was generous with his smiles and laughter. I think all who knew him would agree na laging naka smile si dad, always ready to crack a joke, always ready to do a funny face pag wacky shot. And pag nag joke siya, kahit corny, bentang benta pa rin kasi pag tumawa na siya, matatawa ka rin. His favorite lines - Whattaheck! Or Ketchup to you. Yung mga saleslady automatic ang tawag niya "Stephanie " or "Balbina." We were at Enchanted Kingdom once. Nakapila kami sa bump cars tapos may mga batang sumingit. He pointed at them and with his booming voice said, "Psst! Get out!" And takbuhan yung mga bata. And then nung pumipili sila ng colors ng bump cars, my husband said "wag yung yellow. Pambakla yan." My dad replied, "oo nga pambakla yan!"

Then when we rode the carousel and all our horses moved up and down except for his horse, siya na lang ang nag up and down movement with his arms wide open while shouting, "yahoooo!"

If you haven't seen that funny side of my Dad, sayang. Ang saya kaya kasama ni Daddy. His laugh was contagious.

And lastly, my Dad was very generous with his love. Ask anyone who knew my dad - people from Aics, people from the Rotary, relatives and friends - they would say ang bait sa kanila ni Sir Asis, ni Manny, ni Boy. Bakit? Kasi mahal niya kayo. He gave his love away without expecting anything in return. Kahit mga taong sinaktan siya, inaway siya, binetray siya, he lovingly forgave and embraced. Because my dad was full of love, not hate or resentment. Sa totoo lang, ako pa ang mas galit sa mga nanakit kay Dad. Napatawad na niya, ako hindi pa. I guess I have to work on that, Daddy.

But he is a man who radiates with love. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much he loved his family. There's a popular quote that goes, The Best thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother. And sobrang mahal ni Dad si Mommy. Even after four kids and one grandchild, HHWW pa rin sila. Holding hands while walking. You'll always see them holding hands, magkatabi, magkayakap, minsan nagsasapakan... but in a playful way of course. Minsan nagtatampuhan, pero laging nagmamahalan. Dad has painted for us a beautiful picture of how marriage should be, how a family should be. He was the perfect example of a really good family man. He loved my mom so very much, and when you love your wife incredibly, that already speaks volumes about how much he loved his children. He loved us so much, and raised us well. If you want proof, just look at me and my siblings. Ayan. Ang gaganda namin. :)

But seriously, as the Head of the Family, he built the foundation with love that is so strong it continues to stand the test of time. Our family is so close and tight-knit, not even death can shake the very core of this foundation that my Dad built. Our family is built on Love. Because my Daddy was full of love.

And that's why, kahit ngayong wala na siya physically with us, with you - he will forever live in our hearts and our memories because he has touched our lives in such beautiful ways. Napakaganda ng remembrance na iniwan niya sa ating lahat. And at the same time, we filled his photo album with happy memories that I'm sure he's sharing now with the angels there in heaven.

We will never forget the incredibly generous man that was Manny, your friend, your best friend, your boss, your mentor, your tito, your brother, your Kuya, Aria's most favorite lolo, my mommy's labiduds, and my Dad. We love you, Daddy! We will miss you every single day of our lives.

My birthday letter for Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I know you won’t be able to read this right now. But soon, when you finally do, I want you to know that I’m right here with my pom-poms as I write this, cheering you on with my incredibly loud voice that I think I got from you. I’m cheering for you because you’re doing such an awesome and inspiring job, fighting for life, fighting to live. And I will continue to cheer you on until that happy day you get up from your bed and walk out of that darn hospital, and prove all those pessimistic doctors wrong. Malapit na yun! God is on our side.

Happy birthday, Daddy! On this special day of yours, let me thank you for everything that you have done for me. I learned a lot from you all these years, Dad. When I was still working for you, you taught me very important things like the value of work and money, and how important it is to lead by example. I’ve had many other bosses after you, but truth be told, you are the BEST boss there is. I say this not because you’re my Dad, but because you really are the perfect example of a great and inspiring leader. All the other bosses out there should learn from you. You are amazing!

Thank you for teaching me to believe in myself and my capabilities by showing me that you yourself have faith in what I can do. You taught me that I can achieve anything, with hard work and perseverance. I love hearing your stories about how you started from the very bottom, and how you worked your way to the top. I followed your example, Dad, by working my way up the success ladder. I worked hard, showed initiative, accepted workload that weren’t even part of my job description without complaining, because you said that’s how we learn. And when I got promoted to Assistant Manager, I saw in your eyes how proud you were of me. Thank you, Dad. I learned from the best.

Thank you for teaching me to put God above all else in life. You would always tell me, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God.” I’m thankful because you’re the kind of father who made sure that Sundays were strictly for God and for family. You made sure that all of us would hear Sunday mass together, hindi pwedeng kanya-kanya. You would feel bad if one of us made plans with friends or accepted work on a Sunday, because Family Day was very sacred to you. I really appreciate that you raised us that way, Dad. Because look at us now – our family is so amazingly tight-knit. And this togetherness, this closeness, is what’s keeping the family very strong right now, as we face all these trials.

Thank you, Daddy. I am so very happy, proud and so incredibly grateful to have you in my life. You’re my hero. You're my idol. You’re my strongest and fiercest ally. There’s this huge space in my heart that is exclusively for you and no one can ever take that spot for as long as I live.

I’m praying for your recovery and healing, Dad. I look forward to the day you’ll walk out of St. Luke’s and come back home and carry Aria in your arms. She’s a little over 40 pounds now, you know. So you need to regain all your strength to be able to carry your “Baby Bubut” again. She misses you. Everytime I ask her, “Anong sasabihin kay Lolo?” She always answers, “I miss you.” I miss you, too, Dad. Palakas ka ha? Para kwentuhan ulit tayo. I’ll cook your favorite adobo, just the way you like it.

Happy birthday, Daddy! I love you forever.  

Update on my Daddy's condition...

Daddy's been in the hospital for two months now. His condition isn't so good. He has myelofibrosis. And his leukemia is starting to come back. His body is no longer able to produce red and white blood cells. So he undergoes blood and platelet transfusion almost every day. Everytime we need to look for donors, we all panic because when he needs transfusion, it's always a serious situation, a matter of life and death.

But inspite of all this, my Dad's will to live never falters. He may be too weak to even sit up on his hospital bed without support and without his heart rate shooting up, but we all see him fighting, struggling, to live, holding on incredibly tight to what little strength he has left to make it through every single day without giving up.

A reflection of our unwavering faith in God. We firmly believe that God is far greater than any disease. He is a God who makes miracles happen everyday. He is the Great Healer. We know that the Lord's healing is already working in my dad's body. This is His promise of life and healing that we all believe in and will continue to believe until the very end. We know that my Dad will regain his strength and health, slowly but surely, so he can eventually go back to the US for continuous care. In fact, I even envision him sharing stories with a very animated 5-year-old Aria. With God, absolutely nothing is impossible.

Please pray for my Dad. And for those who are willing to donate (Type A) blood/platelets, you can drop by the blood bank of St. Luke's Medical Center in Quezon City. They are open 24 hours. Kindly mention that it's for patient Manuel Asis. Thank you and God bless your good heart.

To all those who have donated, who are regularly donating, and those who have helped us get platelets from other hospitals (Thank you, Chiqui and Dr. Lacson!), my family and I can never thank you enough.

A song that my heart sings endlessly is this: God will make a way when there seems to be no way... He works in ways we cannot see... He will make a way for me.

I believe. I love you, Daddy!

Get well soon, Daddy!

My Dad is in the hospital again. This time it isn't just for a blood transfusion. He got an infection that made his throat and right arm swell. The antibiotics are helping. Hus throat is better now, so he's now able to eat a little. The doctors are waiting for the meds to take effect on his arm. And he still has fever after almost a week. 

He was diagnosed with leukemia this year. After six months of treatment in the US, he's healed from his cancer. But he continues his chemotherapy, and this is what makes his blood count drop. His level of white blood cells is dangerously low, which makes him susceptible to infection.

Right now we need blood/platelet donors for my dad. He's an A+. If you are willing to donate, you may do so at St. Luke's QC. My dad is confined there. Send me a message so I can give you details. Thank you in advance and God bless your good heart.

Speaking of good hearts, it is so amazing how kindness can come from the most unexpected of people. Acquaintances continue to express concern and offer prayers, and some are not even close friends. It's heartwarming. It's like God is showing us that we are not alone in our prayers.

Thank You, Lord, for Your Goodness and Your Gift of Healing. 

True love is...

...staying together through thick and thin.
...laughing together at the silliest things.
...holding each other close just because.
...kissing each other like it never gets old.
...holding hands like teenagers.
...facing life bravely, side by side.
...coming home to tight embraces and warm meals.
...understanding each other even without words.
...knowing that, for the rest of your life, you are loved, needed and wanted. You have a permanent place in this world, and in that person's life.
...simply being with you.

Three years since that wonderful day, and I've never stopped thanking God for giving you to me. Happy anniversary, Sweetheart! I love you forever! ♥

Get 360Fit!

My video is out! Here's a look at my fitness journey from flab to fab. I hope that somehow it'll inspire fellow moms who are struggling to get back in shape to just keep going. It's difficult and challenging, but it's not impossible. You can do it, too!

Watch "Get360fit Ambassador: Anne" on YouTube

#CommitToBeFit #get360fit

Commit to be fit!

I just recently joined 360 Fitness Club's search for their next ambassador. I'm one of the six finalists vying for the title, but I already feel like a winner just being part of the Final 6 and having my photo storyboard and write-up posted on their Facebook page for everyone to see.

Yes, I have immersed myself completely in this commitment I've made with fitness. Everything started with clothes that no longer fit and photos I wasn't so proud to show. Even the webcam in our radio booth was screaming at me to get back in shape. I knew it was time to make a change.

That was seven months ago. I gave my lifestyle a complete overhaul. Through a healthy diet and regular exercise, I finally lost 100% of my preggy pounds. From a disheartening 129lbs. to 105 as of today. Although it isn't the weight loss that gets me stoked. It's realizing that all my hard work and discipline made me physically fit and strong. I'm leaner and more toned. Would you believe that my metabolic age is 19 years old? I have more energy for work and, most importantly, family time. I've never been this happy about myself and my body. And it feels amazing!

The videos of the Final 6 will be coming out soon. I'd appreciate it very much if you could give it a like. I'll post the link here as soon as it's out. I hope that somehow my story would inspire fellow moms who are trying to get back in shape. I understand the struggle, believe me. It's difficult, especially for working moms like myself. And many get trapped in their comfort zones and the notion that motherhood is a valid excuse for not being fit. Honestly, it isn't. Motherhood should serve as motivation for us to make ourselves fit, healthy and strong so we can face the challenges of raising our kids and caring for our families.

I did it. You can, too! Find an activity that you love doing. Any kind of exercise works wonders! If circuit training interests you, join us at 360 Fitness Club. It only takes 30 minutes for a complete (and intense!) workout.

Ready to commit?

Amazing Aria!

My little girl turned a year old last April 14. Sometimes I still can’t believe that all the months flew by and the tiny ball that I once cradled so tenderly in my arms is now this bouncing, chubby baby girl who’s always smiling and laughing and making loud noises. Before I got pregnant, I’ve heard parents talk about how their babies grew up so fast. Now I’m experiencing it first-hand, and yes, Aria is growing up so fast. Too fast for my liking, truth be told.

Photos from Aria's 1st birthday party
April 14  McDonald's ABS CBN

She’s slowly learning to walk on her own now. She’s still a bit afraid to let go of my hand, but she’s getting there. She already knew how to say “mama” when she turned four months. Now she can say words very clearly. Every time she sees me, she says, “Mommy!” Every time she sees her daddy, she goes, “Daddy!” She can say lolo, lola, tito, tita, baby, Mickey, monkey, doggie, pow-dow (powder), die-pow (diaper), bottle and stewimaw (Sterimar). She knows her toys by name – Mickey Mouse, Pocoyo, Lion, Giraffe, Dibo and Pororo. Ask her what the chicken said and she’ll go “bok bok bok!” She knows the duck goes “quack quack,” the cat goes “meow” and Timmy the lamb goes “baa baa!” She knows how to greet people hi” and “morning” and she already knows how to wave and say “bye!”  Amazing, isn’t it?

But what I find most remarkable was a brief exchange that we had the other day. I was putting a bib around her neck, and a few strands of her hair got stuck. She went, “ow ow!” So I quickly fixed the situation, saying, “Oh, sorry…sorry!” She looked at me and said, “Okay.”

That moment I knew for sure that my little one would be growing up to be a very smart girl.

It’s amazing to watch her learn more and more new things everyday. She’s just so full of wonder. Pretty soon she’ll be engaging in long conversations with me and her daddy, and I bet she’s gonna be one of those kids who talk (and reason out) like adults. And soon I’ll be chasing after her all around the house, too. Good thing I’m fit for that kind of job, literally. I’ll be writing about those things soon. Looking forward. 

Sexy is subjective.

Just recently, I’ve been bashed for not being a “clubbing” person. Apparently, this has become the new trend. To be labeled as in, hot and sexy, one needs to be always present in the clubs.

While it would be nice to be considered as hot and sexy, I don’t get why I should force myself to go to dark places where young people smoke like chimneys and drink themselves incoherent, and where the music is dangerously ear-shattering. No offense. I do enjoy being in the clubs once in a while. But truth be told, I have never been a “clubbing” person. It’s not something I’d prefer to be doing on a Friday night. I like peace and quiet, and smoke-free places, and coffee shops where jazz music plays softly in the background so you can easily share a conversation with friends without yelling on top of your lungs. I prefer going to the movies, checking out new dining places, having road trips and singing in the car. I prefer sweating it out in the gym rather than sweating in a sea of scantily-clad bodies. And now that I’m a mom, I prefer spending time with my little girl, taking her to Gymboree, or walking her to the park.

This is me. Simply me. While I enjoy the occasional drinking fest, getting drunk and feeling carefree, I’m really made of sunshine and nature and butterflies and candy. Not cigarettes and wine and heavy makeup and stilettos.

Should I be judged because I’m made this way? Does this make me a boring person? Does this make me any less of a woman? I’d like to think that the way I am, this lifestyle I lead, plus the fact that I’m already a mom, makes me all-woman. 100% woman. Now THAT is sexy. Don’t you think?

Just saying. 

13 and loving it!

We met on this day, thirteen years ago. Seems like only yesterday. Maybe because, like I've said before, loving him never gets old.

When we met thirteen years ago, we had no idea that our destinies were written on the same page, with the same ink, the same story. We didn't know that we were meant to travel life's road together as one.

And now, here we are. I bless that day when we shook hands and smiled, the day I found my one true love.

Happy thirteen years, Sweetheart! Here's to sharing a lifetime of loving with you!

Keep the faith.

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had this fear of losing my parents. It probably stemmed from watching too many crime shows on TV, where the parents would get killed and the children are orphaned. I sometimes would picture frightening scenarios in my head. Burglars in the house, my mom getting shot. Or my dad getting into an accident. Stuff like that. Weird, I know.

This fear has grown with me, and has become a permanent part of my system. It’s probably what clinical studies would call Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder, where one has this uncontrollable, inexplicable fear of losing a significant person in his life.

I am scared to death of losing my family.

When I found out that my Dad was diagnosed with acute leukemia, I think my heart stopped beating and a voice in my head was whispering, “He’s going to die.” Mom emailed me the news. I was devastated. I took an emergency leave the next day, cancelling all guestings on my show last minute. I asked my husband to skip work and stay home with me. I cried all night, and my head was swimming with fear, questions, sadness. I kept asking my husband, “Is my Dad going to die?” His constant answer was, “No. He’s not. Stay in the light.”

I guess it’s easy for other people, other members of the family, to “stay in the light” and keep positive. I’m probably over-reacting or thinking too far ahead, but I can’t help it. It’s this childhood fear of mine that has stayed with me until now, refusing to let go.

When I received the news, I couldn’t talk. I was afraid of telling my husband, of saying it out loud, because I thought if I did then it would become real. But now I’m slowly realizing that talking about it is actually a way of becoming stronger than my fear, accepting this trial and believing that God is in full control. That’s why I decided to write about it, to release all the negative thoughts and unnecessary worries, and to ask help from each person who reads this to pray for my Dad’s healing and recovery. They say there are many similar cases here in the Philippines, and many of these cancer patients have recovered and continue to live normal, healthy lives. I need to teach myself to believe that just like them, my Dad will also get better. I need to slowly overcome this fear. I have to have faith.

My Dad is starting chemotherapy tomorrow. He’ll be confined in an isolated, sterilized room for a month there in MD Anderson in Houston, Texas. I pray with all my might that God will give him the strength and endurance to see him through each day of his treatment. And I pray that after all this, my Daddy will be okay, and will come back home to us in great condition, with his usual smile, saying “whattaheck” and giving work instructions to my Mom and siblings. God is good.

Thank you for praying for my Dad, for my family, and for me as well. That I may stay in the light, and keep the faith.  

9 months!

My little girl turns 9 months today. 9 months. That's how long I carried her in my tummy. Wow. I have to say it again and again in my head just to convince myself that it’s real. The months just flew by so fast. The baby that used to fit so comfortably in her daddy’s palms is now a chubby little girl who weighs about 23 pounds and wears toddler clothes. She can now sit up, crawl, and walk with support. She can say the words “mama,” “car,” “daddy” and just the other day she learned how to high-five. It’s really amazing to witness all the changes and developments, all the things she experiences and accomplishes. 

New Year's Eve. Her very first.

Her most recent photo. Rockin' her big girl dress.

Time won't slow down for anyone. Pretty soon she'll be running around, meeting new friends, going to school. And she'll want to do things on her own. But now, while I still can, I intend to enjoy every single bit of her baby-hood. Mum's not ready to close that chapter just yet, and I don't think I'll ever be ready.

Happy 9 months, my darling! You make mum and dad so very happy. We love you!

Thoughts on the Sandy Hook tragedy.

I woke up yesterday morning to news about the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. Twitter was flooded with updates, and I was sobbing my heart out as I read each report. 26 dead, and majority of the victims were children. The list of victims was released today, and my heart broke once again when I saw that all the twenty kids who were killed were aged six and seven. The gun that took the life of these tiny, defenseless children was same as the weapons used by troops in Afghanistan. And according to reports from the coroner, the victims were shot more than once. Just trying to picture a small, fragile body of a six-year-old with multiple bullet wounds makes me cry in horror. Why? What could have triggered the gunman to do such a terrible, unfathomable act of evil?

My heart is broken and bleeding and the tears won't stop. I am grieving, even if these people are all strangers to me. I'm a mother, too. And once you have children of your own, when you hear about very young kids being killed, you feel a kind of pain that only parents can understand. They say when a parent loses a child, there is no greater pain. I can only imagine the devastation that the mothers and fathers of the young victims are feeling right now.

God help them.

Right now, prayers are being whispered for them all over the globe. The world is united in prayer, and sadness. The only thing to do, the best thing to do, is pray. For the souls of the victims, for the families they left behind. I am one of those in constant prayer. Lord, please have mercy and give them strength.

**********

According to reports I've read online, the three weapons used by the gunman belonged to his mother, who was his first victim. All legally purchased by the mother. The question that boggles me is this: Why does the mother own so many guns? I don't get it. They were living in a supposedly lovely and peaceful part of the state, so why the need to have deadly weapons?

I've been terrified of guns all my life. When I was a kid, I witnessed a shooting right in front of our house. Our neighbors were fighting, and two men took out their guns and started shooting at each other. I was so scared and until now I still carry that fear.

Gun manufacturers say these weapons are for self-defense. But that is no longer the case. The Sandy Hook gunman was said to have a personality disorder. This unstable person had easy access to deadly weapons legally owned by his mother. Yesterday, these "weapons for self-defense" took the lives of twenty very young children.

It's insane. And really frightening, this world we live in. A world that gives crazy mad men easy access to deadly weapons.

**********

I have an 8month-old daughter, and when I read about yesterday's tragedy, I couldn't help but think of this: Paano kung nangyari kay Aria yun?

It made me realize that life is indeed so short. And death really does come like a thief in the night.

So every day, every waking moment, love your children. Love your family. Hug them. Hold them. Tell them you love them. Don't waste an opportunity to say, "I love you."

And pray. For protection. There just isn't a safe place in this world anymore.

**********

Twenty children.
Six adults.

Rest in peace.

Ngalay ng Nanay

We have been lying in bed like this for two and a half hours already. She would stir every now and then to move her head a little, or move her arm. But she refuses to budge from where she's sleeping so soundly. Twice I tried to put her down on the bed beside me. She cried. She wants to sleep like this. This close to me.

So imagine not moving from this position for two and a half hours. This is what I'd like to call "mother's ngalay." I really don't mind if my butt and my back are killing me. I could stay in this position forever, holding my baby girl so very close to my heart, literally. If you could see her right now. Aria looks so happy and content, snoring a bit, too. I can't describe this wonderful feeling every time we're this close, whenever she's asleep in my arms, whenever she wants to be pressed close to me, letting my heartbeat lull her to sleep. Wonderful is an understatement.

Hindi pa rin talaga siya nagalaw. It's okay, love. You can spend the night in mommy's arms. I'm all yours.

Slow down, Father Time!

Seriously. Time seems to be running extra fast lately. Here comes September, the first of the "ber" months, and next thing you know, it's time to light 'em Christmas trees. Ang bilis ng panahon!

My little Aria turned 5 months today. 5 months! Can you believe that? Didn't I just give birth yesterday? So it's been 5 months? Kidding aside, I'm really amazed at how fast she grows. Last we checked, my daughter is 20.7 pounds and 73 cm. long. That was last week. Her pedia says her weight and height is for a 1-year old kid already. So that's why many of her clothes don't fit her anymore. Ang bilis ng panahon!

Newborn Aria. At The Medical City. Two days after birth.

I can still remember that particular Saturday in April. The 19 hours I spent in the labor room of The Medical City. The very painful delivery. Aria's first cries. My husband, Alvin, standing close to me, then holding our baby girl afterwards. I remember trying to smile for the camera, but I couldn't because I was so exhausted. I remember looking at Aria, touching her for the very first time, watching her nurse and squirm on my chest. Heck, I even remember waking up in the recovery room and asking the nurse for a glass of water. She filled a plastic cup with tap and I wondered if it was safe to drink. Everything is so clear and vivid in my head. It feels like it all happened five days ago and not five months.

Little Aria at 2 months. So tiny in her Daddy's hands.

Aria at 3 months.

Now my baby girl is no longer the tiny, delicate ball that my husband can carry in his palms. She's now this adorable tot who's always smiling and laughing, always moving her arms and legs. I always check the baby milestones chart to monitor her progress and Aria's quite advanced at 5 months. She looks at you when you say her name, she "talks" back, she taps her hands at objects, reaches for things and puts them in her mouth. She can't roll over yet because probably she's too heavy. But to make up for it, she sits up! She sits and plays with her feet. So cute! 

And when she's crying, she looks for me, or that's how Alvin and I interpret it. Because she cries out, "mum! mum!" And when I finally carry her in my arms, she stops crying. That is the best feeling ever. If you're a mom and you're reading this, then you know how that feels. Sarap, diba?

Aria at 4 months.

Pretty soon, she's going to learn how to walk, say more words, eat solid food, and reach other huge milestones that will both amaze and shock me. She's growing up. Too fast, if you ask me. She'll be more fun to be with once she's older, I know. But a big part of me really wants Father Time to stop so she'll stay a baby and she'll always want to be wrapped in my arms. 

Sigh.

I guess the best thing to do is to cherish every moment, savor every single day while she's still like this - a baby who's depending on me for dear life. Enjoy her company while she still enjoys mine. I intend to do just that. For the rest of my life, if possible. 

Happy 5th month, Aria! You'll always be my sweet, little baby. No matter how many candles you'll have on your birthday cake. 

Photo taken 3 days ago.

Best gift ever!

It's my husband's birthday today. We just woke up. Aria and I surprised him with our simple presents. Our darling little girl bought her daddy new socks! How thoughtful! Alvin said they were very "daughterly gifts." She doesn't have a clue, of course. But as early as now I want to teach her this birthday tradition I got from my family. Everytime someone had a birthday, we would wait until midnight or wake up early to give our birthday gifts. It always made the day even more special. And happier!

So today we woke up with sunshine, love and presents on Alvin's birthday. God gave him a present, too. The gift of family! Best gift ever.

Happy birthday, sweetheart!

To my husband...

...with all my love, heart and soul.

Dear Alvin...

Happy anniversary! Two years since we exchanged vows. Twelve years of togetherness. Sounds like forever, yet sometimes it feels like everything just happened yesterday. Maybe because loving you never gets old.

We've been through a lot of things. Good things. Bad things. The in-betweens. And I'm happy and thankful because we always make it through together. Whether we're faced with rainbows or hurdles, we face them together, my hand in yours, our steps in sync. I'm really glad that in this rat race of a life, I'm partnered with you. I can't imagine waking up next to someone else, opening my heart to someone else, growing old with someone who isn't you.

Look at us now. Proud parents of a beautiful baby girl who's always so happy. I guess she can sense that her mum and dad love each other very much, and love her to bits, too. That's why she's always full of smiles. Thank you, sweetheart. Life can't get any better than this. Not even if we win the grand lotto. (Although winning the lottery would be nice, too.) I already have so many priceless treasures to be thankful for - you, your love and our sweet little baby chum.

It's 11:46pm as I end this post. A few minutes before your birthday. Here's hoping you'll have a great one, and that all your wishes come true. Except for a big bike. I still won't allow it. :)

I love you. Always and always. God bless you, my darling husband.

Love,
Your Wife.