A letter for Aria

Dear Aria,

Mommy has a silly question. Do you know that I'm your mother? Lately I've been wondering about this. If you do know who I am, how'd you find out? People tell me that you already know who I am even before you were born because you came from me, you lived inside me. But I don't want to hear it from others. I wanna hear it from you, which is really quite impossible because you can't talk yet.

So do you actually know that I'm your mommy? Do you recognize my voice? My smell? My touch? I read in books that babies prefer the smell of their mothers. Is that true, my darling? Do you prefer me over anyone else? Oh, that would make Mommy so happy. That's exactly what I want, you know. I wanna be your #1.

I've imagined how it's gonna be as you get older. You'll reach a phase when you'll be afraid of strangers, and you'll always look at me to see if it's safe to interact with these new faces. And you'll run to my arms when you get scared, when you're hurt, or even when you're happy and want to be hugged. You'll depend on me for love, comfort, security and warmth. You have no idea how Mommy loves that. I want you to depend on me for almost everything all your life. (Although I think when you reach your teens, that wouldn't be a good idea. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.)

I can't wait 'til you learn how to talk so you can finally tell me that you love me. That'll make me cry for sure, the first time you say, "I love you, Mommy!" Because you have no idea how much I love you. Even I can't describe the enormity, the greatness of my love for you. I never thought this was possible, to love someone more than anything else in the universe, even more than myself. Maybe it's because you came from me, you're a part of my body, you lived inside mommy's tummy for nine months. It's inexplicable. I hope you can feel it. I hope you can sense Mommy's love. When you're old enough to talk and understand, let's always say, "I love you!" I'll never get tired of hearing it.

Today, you're celebrating your 4th month. Hurray! My emotions are mixed. Half of my heart says, "4 months na?!? So fast!" And the other half says, "4 months pa lang?!?" Eh kasi you're so big! :) You almost look like a 1-yr old, my Baby Chum. But seriously, don't grow up too fast, love. I still want to hold you in my arms tightly, smother you with kisses, smell your breath, smell your butt after you poop, kiss your feet, sniff your hands that sometimes smell like feet, give you a bath, play with you and take endless pictures of you. All those things. I wanna do all those things forever! Well, maybe not forever. 'Til you're 30.

I love you, Aria. Mommy and Daddy are always here by your side, watching you grow, and feeling happy and proud. Remember the song I used to sing to you all the time when you were still in my tummy? "How wonderful life is now you're in the world." That's true. You have made life even more beautiful just by being here.

Love,
Mommy